Lessons

Sad Girl Clown

Even after I realized that they didn’t love me,

I had the problem that I still loved them

Even after I realized

That they didn’t want me

I had the problem

That I still

wanted them around,

and tried many times

Even after I heard

What they were saying,

what they said,

the lies.

the truth

what they did,

I had the problem

That I still loved them

So they did it again,

On a grander scale

And even after all the bridges burned

And lessons learned

I still have the problem

That I love them.

Something ain’t right

All those times
I'd get so mad
I screamed so loud
but nobody heard
Nobody listened
All those times
I tried to tell you
but you never heard me
All the things
Something ain't right
Something ain't right
All those times I cried
because I knew
Something ain't right
Years passed,
 I learned to swallow back
the screams,
the tears
the grief
the fear
the anger
Put on on my Big Girl Pants 
I walked on,
alone
 I  survived
and Still..
Something ain't right.

Fifteen Minutes

I think I better
Take that 15 minutes for me
Before it all comes
Crashing down
Just 15 minutes
For me
To sort it all through
Or Not
Before I pick
The day back up
Before I speak
Before I act
React, or not
Do
Anything
Just 15 minutes
Its all I need
15 minutes
Just for me

By a thread

Here I sit, poised and ready
Trills and chills and one big tickle
Excited, involved
Enthralled
God, help me
Entranced
Letting the dream loose and
Turning the world upside down
While hanging by a thread
God, help me
I’m takin’ a chance
Not able to tell if it’s real,
Till its done and a deal
Still I think
No matter the outcome
I m enjoying the dance

deflection

a lonely heart
cried out to mine
striking a note
i’d rather not chime
if only i had a vote
alone by choice
i was somewhat content
quelling that voice
that my heart sent
till the echoes
of a lonely heart
reverberated within me
and made a song
that does not belong
touched a place
i thought i’d erased

A Hell of a Guy

He’s a hell of a guy
but he’s not you
He’s sweet and kind and funny
but he’s not you
i feel a tug
but he’s not you
i could see us together
but he’s not you
charming and strong and clever
but he’s not you
it could go on forever
but he’s not you
my head tells me to move on
no use lingering illusions
of what might have been
but it tears my heart
and wounds my soul
he’s not you

Spew

If you only knew
If you could see my face
If you only knew
I cant keep up this pace
Each time you lie
I just die
Go practically insane
To hear the twisted refrain
I cant stand the spew
That comes out of you
I have no interest in the game
Just come out
Please just shout
What it is you want from me
Maybe then I could do the same
You have everything but my dignity
What more can you want
What more do you need
What more can your desires feed
Help me now
I don’t know my way
Help me please
I so wanted to stay
Help me please
Such a sad hunt
When you don’t know
What it is you want